For this week’s message, which is the last of the current conference year, I wanted to pause and deeply reflect on my first year as District Superintendent and Chief Missional Strategist of the Heritage District. To do it, I will use the steps of The Examen. Specifically, I will use one of the ways to practice The Examen found in Mark Thibodeaux book, Reimagining the Ignatian Examen, titled “A Shift in My Spirit.” Without a doubt, this title summarizes what the last year has done in my spirit.
Presence:
From the moment, Bishop Hope Morgan Ward asked me if I wanted to join her in serving in the cabinet, I experienced God’s presence in ways I have not experienced before. As I prayed about the invitation, I needed to feel God’s peace in me and in my partner in life and ministry Alma. The peace came to us, but my fears and doubts remained. Many times, I was tempted to reconsider my decision to serve in this capacity, but every time, God did something, sometimes subtle and gentle, sometimes big and tangible – but God’s presence was always there at the right time.
On my first day as District Superintendent, and as many had told me it would happen, I received my first call with a situation I needed to respond right away. And, the calls, emails, texts, Zoom meetings kept coming in the last twelve months. Believe me, once again, I asked God and myself many times if I was really where I was supposed to be. Thankfully, God used Bishop Hope Morgan Ward, other district superintendents and colleagues, but especially leaders from around the district, to offer a word of affirmation that became reminders that I could serve in this capacity not because of my own abilities, but because of God’s presence in me and God’s support through the army of people around me willing to support me.
One of the lessons I have learned the last year, is that if I trust God and ask for the guidance and support of the Holy Spirit in all I do, God’s presence will show me the way.
Gratitude:
I am thankful for the many people who helped me to say yes to serve in this capacity – you know who you are. I am thankful for Bishop Hope Morgan Ward and her trust for me to serve in this role. I am thankful for my sisters and brothers who serve in the cabinet with me, God used them in ways they might never know, at the opportune time. I am thankful for the District Office, and all the staff at the Methodist building, they really reflected the notion of the African proverb “It takes a village to raise a child,” and it takes a village to serve a district. I am especially thankful for the grace they often extended to me when I dropped the ball.
I am thankful for all the clergy in the district, for their faithfulness, passion, love, and adaptive leadership as they served their churches through the pandemic, and as they keep learning how to better serve their churches and communities now that limitations and restrictions are decreasing more and more. I am also thankful for the laity in our district and the ways they offer their leadership, passion, time, and how they often go the extra mile for their churches, the district, the conference, but more significantly, the Church of Christ at large – you are an inspiration.
I am thankful for the privilege to get to know people from different churches and communities. I am humbled as I learned more and more how churches seek to be in ministry in their communities. I am thankful for my family and the ways they reminded me every day that I am loved and that there is always an open space where I can just be.
Grace:
Thibodeaux suggests that “I ask God for the grace to see any shift that may have occurred in my spirit…” in the last twelve months. He also offers a set of questions to think about this step, and these are the questions that resonated with me: Am I more at peace? Have I grown prayerful? loving? forgiving? despairing? pessimistic? hopeful? accepting? In what way have I changed?
In general, I can say that I am more at peace with myself, and I have the assurance that I am where God wants me to be. My prayer life has increased tremendously, I have developed rhythms of prayer and reflection that keep me grounded and continuously seeking God’s wisdom and will in all I do. I have grown in my love for my neighbors, especially the neighbors I do not agree with or have done something against me. I have grown in my capacity to forgive and see difficult people with God’s eyes, which can see the potential all people have in Christ. Yes, I have grown in my despair, pessimism, and cynicism about the future of the United Methodist Church. At the same time, my hopefulness has grown in significant ways. Witnessing the faithfulness, passion, love, dedication of the clergy and laity, and congregations around the district has helped me see there is hope for God’s church. I have grown in accepting what is not just up to me, what I cannot change, and I have learned to focus my energy and efforts in contributing to spaces where change and transformation can happen – where God’s new creation is at work.
A way in which my spirit has shifted, a way in which I have changed is that I feel that I am a more balanced person. I can better hold the tension I often find in my ministry, and I am bolder now in my attempt to be a hope seeker and practitioner.
Sorrow:
I confess that in the last twelve months, on many occasions my fears, doubts, the pandemic, the political turmoil, the denominational tension, the racial inequities, and other factors did not allow me to be more hopeful. There is still a lot of room to grow in our district around these areas, but I want to own the shift in my spirit, and press on more, so I can find more and more spaces of hope in our district.
Tomorrow:
I cannot predict the future, but I can commit to be a more hopeful person the next twelve months, so that together, we can keep finding and creating spaces of hope, where God’s reign is established, and God’s will is done on earth as it is in heaven. God’s desire for all people is that Jesus’ redemption is experience in all our churches and communities. Will you join me in this effort? Will you commit to be a more hopeful person? Will you commit to be a more hopeful pastor? Will you commit to be a more hopeful lay person? Will you commit to be a more hopeful church? Will you commit to be a more hopeful district? Will you commit to be a more hopeful Christ follower?
May God grant us the courage to be hopeful people even amid despair, pessimism, cynicism, and division. May God help us to be bolder in our attempts to be and create new spaces of hope in our district. In Jesus Christ, the hope for the world, we pray.
Amen.
If you would like to view past editions of Time with Ismael, follow this link: https://heritagedistrictnc.org/category/from-the-ds/